Living life on purpose
Monday, March 20, 2006
Let God write your story
I’m back from my second Hearts at Home conference. If you ever get the chance to go to one – GO! You will not regret it. (http://www.hearts-at-home.org)
For the fall 2005 conference in Rochester, MN, five of us made the 5 hour trip and came back feeling refreshed and renewed. For this conference, there were 12 of us – 4 friends from MUMS, 4 friends from church and 3 ladies I only met once in passing. We’re hoping to grow the group coming from this area each conference. It's an amazing opportunity to grow as a mother, a Christian and a friend.
Someone said something that summed up the weekend….”This is really all about GOD. I expected it to be about being a mom, but it is really all about GOD.” Another said that she had never viewed motherhood as a ministry before the conference.
And it is! It should be out primary ministry. Often, it is not. It's so easy to get bogged down with the day to day that we forget that our primary ministry should be in our homes. Mothers have an amazing opportunity to impact the next generation for God! That is no small assignment!
Over the past three years God has been leading me in conquering fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of no control, fear of failure. As I was thinking about fear and it's impact on my life and my mothering, I realized that it’s not fear I’m dealing with as much as it is lack of trust. If you truly trust God with all that you are fear has no position in your heart.Fear is crippling. I get panicky, overwhelmed and withdrawn. This leads to depression, anxiety, and worry. I stop living the life I should/could be living.
When you trust God fear is driven away. When you realize that God really *is* in control, fear vanishes.
One keynote speaker this weekend, Lysa Terkeurst from Proverbs 31 ministries, gave her testimony and said one thing that really hit home for me. It’s simple: “Let God write your story.”
It’s simple, yet profound for me. In January, DH took a 30% pay cut. It amounts to $15,000 for us (you do the math – we were on a budget before). I’ve had a really hard time dealing with this. He did nothing to deserve it, it was a corporate decision. It affected others as well. It was a blow to his masculinity and a source or fear for our family. On paper, our home doesn’t function on this lower income.
I’ve been struggling with trusting God through this. We’re a family of 6 and it’s scary.
“Let God write your story.”
That’s what I’m going to do. Release all the fear to Him. We’ve weathered more difficult times in the past and He has never failed us.
Three years ago, we were at the bottom. I sat in a hospital frrom and prayed desperately for the Lord to do things the way *I* wanted Him to. “Lord, please spare the life of this child. Let her live. Please Lord, perform a miracle here and we’ll tell it as long as you give us breath.”
He didn’t. My youngest daughter was taken from us. 36 hours before she had been healthy and perfect. It never occurred to me that I may never see her become an adult. He did things HIS way. It was hard to accept. Disbelief. That's the only word to describe how I felt leaving that hospital without my daughter. I sit here now and I cannot imagine the things He may have saved my family from. Had my daughter lived she may have lived her days in a wheelchair, she may not have ever known the carefree laughter of childhood; she may have drawn her sustenance from a feeding tube or maybe never even opened her eyes again.
God’s perfect will for our family was not that my daughter live. God’s will was that we reach a desperation in our search for him that could only be achieved through her death. From the rocking chair in the hospital room where I begged for my daughter’s life I could not see the blessings He had for me. Today, I know that He used her death to reach me and give me a better life and a richer relationship with Him.
“Let God write your story”.
I’m glad He wrote mine. It’s not the one I would have picked had He given me a choice but it is the one he had planned for me all along. I will see my daughter in heaven someday and have the opportunity to thank her for fulfilling the purpose God gave her. Her life changed me. Her death gave me the courage to be transparent. It gave me the courage to live my life for Him. Her death exposed my human shortcomings. It threw the door open to reveal things I had hoped would always remain hidden. Her death gave me courage to change.
So as I sit here after Hearts at Home weekend, I am reminded that I can trust him to write my story. Financial concerns, damaged relationships, and FEAR will always be a part of life here on earth. If we trust Him to write our story, fear will be driven out. He can use heartbreaking circumstances to work a miracle in our lives that we never imagined was possible.There is so much more to write about this weekend but I'll have to save that for another time.