Living life on purpose

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

 

Easter week

I've been caught up in Easter prep work - my mother and grandma as well as DH's parents are coming in for the weekend (should be interesting) and my twin son's birthday is also this weekend. I spent today shampooing carpets, running to the store (one more trip before the weekend), getting my eyebrows waxed and haircut in preparation for the big weekend.

Last weekend DH and I went to a marriage seminar. I went into the weekend with the feeling that, "We'll go to this, but we don't really have any problems so it should be a breeze".

Boy, was I ever wrong.

The thing is DH and I rarely fight. I viewed that as a positive thing. But the thing I missed was that if we rarely have conflict, then one of us is always giving in. That's not a good thing in a marriage.

Friday night was great. We talked, we laughed and it was such a GOOD thing.

Saturday that all changed. We started arguing. The way things were presented was that we attended a workshop and then were given 15-20 minutes to discuss the workshop privately. We spent the greater portion of that private discussion time arguing.

I am married to the most wonderful man. He's hardworking, loving and giving. I'm not sure how things started down this path.

I'm not proud to admit that. Somehow this has snuck up on us.

He's been feeling disrespected and unloved. So have I. I think it's a case of "what came first? The chicken or the egg....." - I don't know how it started!

His top need was respect. His top love language was "Acts of service" (if I knew how to add a link - I'd link you to "The five love languages" by Gary Chapman). Acts of Service was #5 on my list. "What? You changed the oil in the van? Good for you - it needed done." That does nothing towards speaking love to me.

This week it's been obvious that we've both been going out of our way to work on meeting each other's needs. It's uncomfortable, honestly. We've been living such parallel lives, rarely interacting but getting things done - that interacting feels almost forced. But it will get better. We're both determined and praying for our marriage and this seminar exposed issues we never even knew were there.

I'll probably post more on this later....

Comments:
It is very tough for me to speak my DH's love language. His is physical touch and I perfer acts of service. It has been a constant struggle our whole marriage. And it does kind of sneak up on you. You give for awhile and then become frustrated. I hope your weekend works out well!
 
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