Living life on purpose

Friday, May 19, 2006

 

LBY Stumbling.....

I'm always surprised at how quickly I become derailed.....by life, by sickness, by fatigue.

This will be my LBY post for this week. The past MONTH has been a wild ride. I am certainly LBY.

The surgery to remove endometrial polyps is still not a sure thing. We have Cigna insurance and it's TERRIBLE. I'm having trouble getting a facility, doctor and surgeon at the same hospital on my insurance "list". *sigh*

Today is my daughter's birthday. She died 3 years ago after sustaining injuries in an accident. This birthday hit me harder than the others. I'm not really sure why that is. I've been a mess. :o(

Two weeks ago my husband told me to check into how much a divorce would cost. He recanted the next day saying maybe we should check into counseling. I don't believe that our marriage is past hope - I think that the loss of a child, financial struggle and family issues have widened the gap between us. We've always been independant. I viewed that as a generally positive thing. But somehow that independance has led into leading parallel lives. We're working on things and making positive changes. Last night we prayed TOGETHER for the first time in a long time.

Last Friday my youngest son has his tonsils and adenoids out and ear tubes put in. He's not recovering as fast as expected. For a while last weekend, I thought his little body would melt into mine. He has been so miserable and doped up all week. He's rarely left his place lying on my chest. He's two and this is not normal for a two year old boy.

Today we found out that my MIL has cancer. We're not sure what the prognosis is or what the treatment plan may be yet until we get results from more tests back Monday or Tuesday of next week. The endocrinologist said that if it's the aggressive form (and he doesn't think it is) he'll give her 3 months and send her home. Otherwise, treatment will be discussed (radiation, surgical removal, etc) after the test results are in. She and I have had a topsy-turvy relationship over the past 17 years DH and I have been together but I'm so sorry she's facing this. I hate seeing DH so crushed - we found out about the cancer this morning and he left with the two oldest kids to go be with his parents. I couldn't go - IL's house is tiny, the six of us overwhelm it, and MIL needs to "lay low" this weekend. With little DS still recovering after having his tonsils out....

I'm so glad God is in control because I feel so out of control and helpless. This afternoon I sat in the van waiting for McD's drive thru (ugh) and I prayed. The week has been filled with such upheaval and stress - "Lord, please fill me - I'm so empty" Peace like a river, not like a pond. ;o) I really had a sense of peace come over me. I may go spend the day with my family tomorrow - but I may not. I felt very alone but so many friends have offered to spend tonight with me (my DD's birthday) and even my pastor said to come hang out over there. And this was after I asked him to find a substitue for my Sunday School class. :o)

In the midst of all of this, a small bright spot that just gleamed for us today. Each day since a few weeks after my daughter's death, I've worn a necklace with her hospital footprint casted in gold. It's a small necklace - the pendant is just a bit bigger than a dime - but it is very precious to me. Six weeks ago, DH and I attended a marriage conference in another nearby town. I had forgotten my CLOTHES (don't ask) and we had to pick up a couple blouses at Wal*Mart (gasp!) so I had something to wear. (Nope, not a Target around.) I picked out a cute blouse but the necklace didn't work with this particular blouse.

We returned home and I discovered a few days later that the necklace was no where to be found. I called the hotel - I was sure I had left it there - and offered a reward. Nothing. :o(

I gave up and called to order a new one only to be told a new one. I'm still waiting for the replacement.

Well, as I was sitting on the bed watching DH and the kids gather their things to leave, DS #1 (6) comes out of his room and proudly announces that he's found my precious necklace! How it found it's way into his room and fell beside his bed, I have no idea. I moved around that room a few weeks ago and never saw it.

I'm so pleased to have this precious piece of gold around my neck again. It's a simple thing that means so much to me. And to have it found on my daughter's birthday - in the midst of my MIL's diagnosis - well, it's that much sweeter.

AddieHeather*Carol
MRachJeana
JennAmandaMamaB
GiBeeBoomamaMaria
BlairHeatherNancy
JannaFlipflopRobin
SherryPatriciaTara
LaurenHolyMama!Faith
ChristyEph2810Karin
LeannRachelJanice
This is a list of the women participating in the study and the links to their blogs. New postings on the study will be published for the next ten weeks, between Friday 8pm - Saturday 8am. Please feel free to visit each of us and comment. Everyone is welcome to participate in this discussion as we seek to live beyond ourselves. May God bless you richly from the hearing of His word.

Comments:
Wow. I am so sorry about everything you're dealing with. You will definitely be in my prayers. And please keep us posted on your MIL. So glad that you found your necklace, and I pray you feel covered by God's peace during what will no doubt be an emotional weekend for you. Thanks for sharing with us so openly and honestly.
 
Praying for you right now. You may be being sifted right now, or being refined. If you ever needed to cling to your faith, it's right now. Pray that He will use this time to grow your faith and be glorified!

Peace to you ... like a river.
 
Thank you for being so open and sharing your struggles. I will be praying for you and yours. God is faithful, He will see you through this valley. I know it is a rough time, but He will never leave your side. Rest in that promise.
 
Words just cannot express how grieved I am for you right now. I am terribly sorry for all that you are going through. May the God of peace send some your way right now...like a river and in a hurry please!

Please know that I will pray for you! I cannot imagine how heavy your heart must be but I pray that the Lord will show His ever faithful self to you in a very real way.

((HUGS))
Blair
http://blog.atih.com
 
Please don't lose faith on your marriage. God can make the impossible possible. And, you already have a reason for hope, the fact that you prayed together. That was big --- treasure it, sister.

Father, please give peace and restoration to our sister in you. Help her to hang on until she receives the blessings "through" her trials that you ahve promised. Amen.

Janna
http://jannascrumbs.typepad.com
 
Oh, my precious. I am praying for you.

I pray that God's will is being done in your life...no matter what the outcomes. He is the ONLY one that knows what is on the other side of all of this. I pray that you may have His strength, and His words.

Know that you are loved...from far away.
M
 
Much Love as you persevere and run your race. May He equip you with the strength you are yours need, may peace flow like a river and may the joy of the Lord accompany and overwhelm you as He becomes your strength in these weak moments.... much love from California. Tanya
 
Praying that you will be showered - yea flooded! - with peace and even joy. Praying for your two year old to be restored to the level of maniacal health and activity which is proper for a two year old boy. (grin!) Praying for an amazing renewal of your marriage...

Rest in those Everlasting Arms...
 
My prayers will be with you and your family. You have so much going on right now and I know that the stress of it all seems very overwhelming. God is so capable of healing and strengthing you and your husband. He is able...
 
"May the sun of righteousness rise over you with HEALING in its wings...that you may go out and leap like calves released from the stall." Malachi 4:2

The time is coming...hang on. He's got you in His grip.

Privileged to pray for you, Sister...
Ann V. of HE
 
Wow, sounds like you've really been dealing with a lot these days!! I'm so sorry to hear about all the difficulties in your life. All I can say is don't let it totally get you down. Find joy in the little everday things and it will really make a difference. I will pray that things start getting easier for you!! Remember, you're not alone!!
 
The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord cause His face to shine upon you . . and give you peace.

I just took a moment to pray for you.
 
Dear Jesus, I lift this woman up to you Lord. I ask Lord that you fill her with your love and the holy spirit to come over her and through her. Lord she calling out to you she needs your guidance on her life. Wrap your arms around her and h old her tight let her feel your presence around her.Gjive her the peace that passes all understanding.Put a hedge around her and her family keep them safe.I lift up her mil to you and ask that you go before the doctors and help them to diagnoise her give her peace as well. I lift up her marriage to you and ask that you grow them together as one help them to follow after you help her to be a submissive wife and for him to love her as christ loves the church. amen,Char
 
It is so hard to be hit with all these things at once. I will be in earnest prayer for you. I will especially pray that you will feel the Lord's comfort and His presence so that you may have strength to face and handle all these challenges.

May the Lord bless and keep you.

Sara
 
I can't even fathom the pain you have been going through the past three years. I will pray for you and your family, especially your marriage. I just started the LBY Bible Study and am only on week 2. I can tell it's changing me and I can see it working in you.

(((Hugs)))

Your Sister In Christ,
 
Peace in the midst of the storm . . . with Jesus that is possible.

Praying for you!
 
Dear Heavenly Father,please wrap this family in your loving, healing arms.Give them the peace that passes understanding. Heal their hurts, their broken hearts. You are the healer of broken hearts, Lord- I pray that you will just touch them.
Amen

your sister in Christ,

Faith
 
I had no idea of all that you are going through right at this moment. My prayers are with you, that your faith will strengthen and sustain you right now. That God's peace will cover and comfort you AND that he will heal your heart, your marriage, your health, your sons health, and your MIL's health.
 
May peace flow over you, your husband, your marriage and your children.
May your little guy be feeling wonderful and acting like a spirited boy soon.

I am so sorry regarding your daughter's death. I can only imagine the sorrow you feel. Having worked in two different hospice programs as social worker and bereavement coordinator in the past, I have watched many families struggle through such times of grief when each person grieves differently, in different time frames...

I will be praying for you!
 
I am so sorry for all that you are going through.Rest assured in the knowledge that God will not give more than you can bear. He knows the weakness of our bodies and minds and promises that His children shall be 'raised up on eagles wings, run and not falter,walk and not be weary if they trust in Him and wait upon Him.

If you look at counselling, please be sure you go to a Christian. The best place to find the help you need is with your bibles open together, before the throne of grace. The God who joined you together can keep you together :)

May the Lord comfort your heart, grant peace to your mind and hold you all close at this difficult time.
 
I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. It can be so difficult to be bombarded continuously with such things. Your story reminds me a little of Job and all the tests that he endured. I'm praying that you and your husband will have the strength to weather this together, and with God. God is so faithful and he will give you the strength and the means to get through. You are in my prayers.
 
I am sorry to hear about the trials you are going through. I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a child and then to have these other things on top of that.

Keep holding on to Jesus...and know that you and your entire family has been added to my prayer list...you, your husband, your son, your mother-in-law...

And remember, God loves you.
 
Awww Christy,
I am so sorry. I will be praying for you and your family in each situation, that you will continue to cling to Jesus; trust Him, He will prove Himself faithful. May you feel His everloving arms around you, holding you up during this difficult time.
 
You will be in my prayers. Hugs!
 
Saying a prayer for you.
 
Bless your heart! I am so very sorry that you are in such pain right now, but grateful that the LORD has placed you in the middle of this study...in the middle of His Word that His very Word might wash over you and you might rest on His promises. I am praying for you even now. Love ~ Patricia
 
Christy, this is my first time commenting on your blog and I really wish I had visited earlier. I am trying to get to everyone seeing as this is the last week of our study. I can't imagine what you must be going through, but I pray that God gives you some healing fast. I admire your faith and perseverance. God bless.
 
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