Living life on purpose

LBY: Final

2006-06-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

I've learned some things through this study that were completely unanticipated at the beginning.

First, I don't much care for blogging about a Bible study. At least not weekly. I needed more time to mull things over, apply them to areas of my life and pray before moving on to the next day/week. This was a much more indepth Bible Study than I'm used to and I really could have benefited from additional time. I think I'm a slow learner...lol

That said, I'll be starting the entire study over and completing it at my own pace. I LOVED the study and I'm looking forward to doing it again - in 4-6 weeks.

Second, blogging for this was stressful for me. I had a lot of upheaval in my life in the past 10 weeks (wow - you ladies did too!) and I felt very inadequate in the shadow of the others who are more experienced bloggers (I started my blog to do this study) and more eloquent writers. Sometimes things were in my heart that I just couldn't get down on "paper".

The biggest thing I learned about myself is that I'm WAY too invested in appearances. I do so many things for the approval of others and that has to change. LBY is really living for HIm. Stop the insanity of "keeping up with the Jones'"! Enough!!

LBY for me is living holy and open to what God has in store for you. It's letting God write your story.

God has been directing me since March. I've been praying and pleading with Him for direction. Why is my life chaos? The above mentioned sins were revealed and also the revelation that I'm completely overextending myself. I have 4 kids (9, 6, and 2yo twins) and I am totally letting their lives slip past me. I'm not sure when it happened but I immersed myself in so many other activities that I'm forsaking my own family.

That lead to the decision to stop teaching Sunday School in September when this quarter is over. I love doing it, but I'm doing it for the wrong reasons and it's a huge source of stress for me requiring more time that I have to give at this point. My heart is not in it right now. Now that's not to say that I will never do it again. It's just saying I need to step back for a while.

And focus on my Mom's Group at church. I cannot do both effectively.

Bah - DH and the kids are waiting for me - I'll have to finish this post later.

Yup, I'm a midwestern girl....Can you tell?

2006-05-25T13:51:00.000-07:00

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Thursday Thirteen

2006-05-25T12:58:00.000-07:00

Thirteen Things to BE THANKFUL FORthis week

1. That last week as I sat in the house with only the two (mostly) preverbal kids, I was able to meet with the Lord and be filled again with His Spirit

2. That my MIL's cancer (MALT lymphoma) is very much treatable

3. That I'm regaining my focus. My FlyLady lists are out, I'm inching my way back to completing my daily list and I started working out again this week. I value that 30-60 minues a day and I don't know why I ever let myself get out of the routine.

4. That the Lord has been finding ways to minister to my Spirit daily. I've been doing my LBY study and I'm feeling less beaten down. Praise Him!

5. That school is almost out for the summer

6. That DH and I have a babysitter tomorrow night - free! I had forgotten that I had set this up like 6 weeks ago. DH will be so surprised!

7. I have four living, breathing and growing kids that love me. I'll always grieve for the one that I cannot hold but I don't want to miss a moment of the lives of the ones who's eyes I can look into each day. God has so richly blessed me.

8. Despite my DH's pay cut, he HAS a job when so many others do not. God has supplied all we need and so much of what we want.

9. I got my flowers in this week. I love looking out the window and watching how quickly they fill in the baskets haning from my porch.

10. I have AWESOME "real life" friends. One is moving away soon and I'll miss her so much. She has been an enormous influence in my life as a mother, wife and Christian.

11. That I have a great group of "blogging buddies" who really amazed me with all their prayers for my family in the midst of my pain last week. I was so surprised to log in and see so many sisters in Christ lifting my family up in prayer.

12. That my pastor is always willing to drop everytying and pray with me if I just ask him to. Even at a moments notice (and it often is)

13. That my sins are washed in the blood and I bear them no more. Hallelujah!!

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LBY Stumbling.....

2006-05-19T15:21:00.000-07:00

I'm always surprised at how quickly I become derailed.....by life, by sickness, by fatigue.

This will be my LBY post for this week. The past MONTH has been a wild ride. I am certainly LBY.

The surgery to remove endometrial polyps is still not a sure thing. We have Cigna insurance and it's TERRIBLE. I'm having trouble getting a facility, doctor and surgeon at the same hospital on my insurance "list". *sigh*

Today is my daughter's birthday. She died 3 years ago after sustaining injuries in an accident. This birthday hit me harder than the others. I'm not really sure why that is. I've been a mess. :o(

Two weeks ago my husband told me to check into how much a divorce would cost. He recanted the next day saying maybe we should check into counseling. I don't believe that our marriage is past hope - I think that the loss of a child, financial struggle and family issues have widened the gap between us. We've always been independant. I viewed that as a generally positive thing. But somehow that independance has led into leading parallel lives. We're working on things and making positive changes. Last night we prayed TOGETHER for the first time in a long time.

Last Friday my youngest son has his tonsils and adenoids out and ear tubes put in. He's not recovering as fast as expected. For a while last weekend, I thought his little body would melt into mine. He has been so miserable and doped up all week. He's rarely left his place lying on my chest. He's two and this is not normal for a two year old boy.

Today we found out that my MIL has cancer. We're not sure what the prognosis is or what the treatment plan may be yet until we get results from more tests back Monday or Tuesday of next week. The endocrinologist said that if it's the aggressive form (and he doesn't think it is) he'll give her 3 months and send her home. Otherwise, treatment will be discussed (radiation, surgical removal, etc) after the test results are in. She and I have had a topsy-turvy relationship over the past 17 years DH and I have been together but I'm so sorry she's facing this. I hate seeing DH so crushed - we found out about the cancer this morning and he left with the two oldest kids to go be with his parents. I couldn't go - IL's house is tiny, the six of us overwhelm it, and MIL needs to "lay low" this weekend. With little DS still recovering after having his tonsils out....

I'm so glad God is in control because I feel so out of control and helpless. This afternoon I sat in the van waiting for McD's drive thru (ugh) and I prayed. The week has been filled with such upheaval and stress - "Lord, please fill me - I'm so empty" Peace like a river, not like a pond. ;o) I really had a sense of peace come over me. I may go spend the day with my family tomorrow - but I may not. I felt very alone but so many friends have offered to spend tonight with me (my DD's birthday) and even my pastor said to come hang out over there. And this was after I asked him to find a substitue for my Sunday School class. :o)

In the midst of all of this, a small bright spot that just gleamed for us today. Each day since a few weeks after my daughter's death, I've worn a necklace with her hospital footprint casted in gold. It's a small necklace - the pendant is just a bit bigger than a dime - but it is very precious to me. Six weeks ago, DH and I attended a marriage conference in another nearby town. I had forgotten my CLOTHES (don't ask) and we had to pick up a couple blouses at Wal*Mart (gasp!) so I had something to wear. (Nope, not a Target around.) I picked out a cute blouse but the necklace didn't work with this particular blouse.

We returned home and I discovered a few days later that the necklace was no where to be found. I called the hotel - I was sure I had left it there - and offered a reward. Nothing. :o(

I gave up and called to order a new one only to be told a new one. I'm still waiting for the replacement.

Well, as I was sitting on the bed watching DH and the kids gather their things to leave, DS #1 (6) comes out of his room and proudly announces that he's found my precious necklace! How it found it's way into his room and fell beside his bed, I have no idea. I moved around that room a few weeks ago and never saw it.

I'm so pleased to have this precious piece of gold around my neck again. It's a simple thing that means so much to me. And to have it found on my daughter's birthday - in the midst of my MIL's diagnosis - well, it's that much sweeter.

Sherry

Tara

This is a list of the women participating in the study and the links to their blogs. New postings on the study will be published for the next ten weeks, between Friday 8pm - Saturday 8am. Please feel free to visit each of us and comment. Everyone is welcome to participate in this discussion as we seek to live beyond ourselves. May God bless you richly from the hearing of His word.

LBY week 5

2006-04-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

Peace. Man, I am in need of peace lately.

I’ve blogged regarding DH’s pay cut before. Last year we endured a $415/mo pay cut. This year an additional $800/mo. cut. We’re $700/mo. short to pay our bills, DH and I have been squabbling about this since January when it happened. There is a serious lack of financial peace around here.

How come it is that financial troubles are so hard? We have survived so much worse than this but after 4 months of squabbling about the lack of money and the increasing debt load - well, it came to a head this week. We screamed, we argued, and then peace fell on us. We DO have options. We DO have a way out. But it’ll take serious discipline and dedication.

Peace. Peace. Peace. It’s been resonating in my mind all week. Letting God have rule over our financial situation, trusting that He knows what is on the other side for us and being ‘hitched’ with my DH and pulling in the same direction….that’s where my peace lies.

One HUGE point in the video that stood out to me was in the third session.

Exodus 4:12 – “…I will teach you what to say….”

I teach an adult Sunday School class on families/children. I use the term “teach” very loosely because I’m simply the facilitator for the lesson. I’m learning just as much as my “students”. My oldest child is only nine years old and I am certainly no expert in the field.

I have noticed that since taking on the class about 9 months ago, my own children/family life has really been teaching me some difficult lessons. It seems stepping out of my “safe box” and accepting this role has placed my family square in Satan’s cross-hares. We’ve had trouble with behavior at school (mild, but shocking for my DS. He’s so mild mannered!), trouble with DD’s attitude, now I have two year olds I have trouble knowing how to parent. Just this morning I battled trying to keep them in their cribs past 5am! Finally there was silence. I opened the door to their room to find the younger twin finger-painting the wall with the contents of his diaper. Nope, not a proud mama moment. I promptly placed an order for two crib tents to try to imprison the rascals for a couple more months (or YEARS! lol)

Peace. Yep, I’ve been learning about peace since taking on the Sunday School class. I’m enjoying it but my kids are definitely testing the boundaries of peace around here. Add in the financial issues making tempers run short and you have a perfect recipe for chaos!

I’ve been praying for peace. Praying for God’s peace like a river to ascend on our house. It’s going to take some work and the rule of God in our lives.

But it’s so worth it.

Sherry

Tara

Confession.... (re: LBY)

2006-04-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

I've fallen behind in the Bible Study. I don't know how it happened, I just looked up and it was Tuesday and I was behind!

I will catch up this week. So many things going on in my personal life and I've been struggling to keep up!

I'm considering a hysterectomy at 30 - major bleeding issues for 5 months now. I have migraines so many kinds of BCP's dont' work for me. SOmething has to give here - this has been nearly constant for 5 months!

My youngest son needs his adnoids out. Not a HUGE big deal but still requires some planning with the other 3 kids and DH's work schedule.

I'm in the process of taking over my "Mom's Group" at church. My mentor and the fearless leader is moving in a couple months. I miss her already!

I'm trying to nail out the kinks in my SS class. The mentor mentioned above was my backup teacher when I needed to be gone and with her moving - well, I'm in a jam. Plus I need some new material and I'm floundering! I have ideas, but no direction!

I'm planning a presentation for a speech I'll be giving in a couple weeks. It's a great opportunity - I speak on an issue close to my heart and receive a professional critique.

So, I've gotten behind on things. Today I'm picking up a perishable shipment and the kids have a bday party.

Ladies, I'm really sorry about this. I missed last week's post - but I did that lesson!! Maybe I'll post that entry before the weekend is through and the week 4 post this week (mid-week. That's my plan anyhow.

I'm working through this differently this week. Usually I run the homeowrk M-F. Then I'm supposed to post Friday night. I have trouble doing that. I need more time to mull it over. This week I'm running it Saturday - Wednesday. Then I'll have the time I need.

2006-04-20T16:47:00.000-07:00

Thirteen FAVORITE SONGS(in no particular order)

1. "Praise you in this storm" - Casting Crowns

2. "Cry out to Jesus" - Third Day

3. "Redeemer" - Nicole C. Mullen

4. "Who am I" - Casting Crowns

5. "My Jesus" - Todd Agnew

6. "Something's gotta give" - LeAnn Rhimes

7. "Strong Tower" - Kutless

8. "Set Me Free" - Casting Crowns

9. "The Chasing song" - Andrew Peterson

10. "They don't understand" - Sawyer Brown

11. "My Savior, My God" - Aaron Shust

12. "I am Free" - Newsboys

13. "Only Grace" - Matthew West

Wow - I have a LONG list of favorites - this was only a few of them!

2006-04-13T00:31:00.000-07:00

Thirteen Things I need to do today

1…. Exercise - it's about time I get back into a regular routine
2. Shower - 'nuf said
3. Get to M.U.M.S. on time - This is no small feat! (Mothers United to Maintain Sanity - in case you were wondering)
4. Take the boys to the doctor - think we have a raging case of pink eye started.
5. Get gas in the van - otherwise I'll be guaranteed some additional exercise!
6. Probably pick up a prescription for the Pink Eye
7. Hit the grocery store for Easter meal fixin's
8. Mail a CD sold on Half.com - also have several cards to mail as well as transcript requests for colleges DH and I have attended.
9. Call to check in on a friend who has been sick
10. Bake the Amish Bread that I didn't get made yesterday - I did put it in the fridge though. lol
11. Clean the house in the style of FlyLady (15 minutes in each room)
12. Vacuum the kitchen (yes, I have terrible KITCHEN carpet - whose idea was that?!)
13. clean the bathrooms

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here! (If someone tells me HOW, that is *blush*)

LBY Week #2

2006-04-12T22:46:00.000-07:00

Yup. We're mid-way through week THREE.

I've been processing this all week. Trying to compose a post that "fits". Trying to think of the right words and feeling to expressions to write exactly how God is working in me.

This is such an awesome study - so much of my life FITS that it's hard to narrow it down!

Going through my notes, this is what stands out the most. There is a lot more but I tend to talk alot and since I'm already late and so many others have said it so much better than I have I'll hit just two points...

"Don't simply press down sinful desires - Get new desires!"

This fits so well with an issue in our home that I cannot pass up the opportunity to share how God is woking in the life of my dear husband.

My husband was first exposed to pornography at the tender age of 11 at a friend's home. He distinctly remembers this as the start of a sexual addiction to pornography. He shared this with me and several others and we've been praying for victory over this for years.

We've been married for 11+ years and this has been a constant struggle for him. I have sins that I hold on to and I've never begrudged him for this. I know his desire is to change. The Lord started dealing with him about 3 1/2 years ago regarding this addiction and he's been struggling with breaking the chains of desire.

This weekend at the marriage conference we attended, a Christian anti-porn software program was mentioned (http://www.xxxchurch.com). After some prayer and discussion, we downloaded the software onto our computers. Now this software doesn't pick up gaming sites (like the FREE (pretend money) poker DH plays) - only sites that capitalize on a sexual addiction. You choose two accountability partners to receive email regarding potentially sinful websites at regular intervals. AND if you disable the software it is logged and sent to your accountability partners.

This is such an enormous step in our marriage. I'm so proud of my husband for taking this step. He and I have prayed about this issue so much. Praise the Lord, he's working in our marriage and giving us new desires!

"Follow earnest confession with active acceptance"

This is a really hard one for me.

Forgiveness. I struggle with both forgiving and being forgiven.

Years ago I was hurt very deeply by my family. Accusations were hurled. Judgements were made. Our family has been divided over this one event in our lives. Apart from a miracle of God, members of my family will never speak again. I wish I could speak more on this subject - and I might at a later time. (Blogging is new to me and I'm apprehensive to post too much)

I struggled with forgiving those family members who hurt me. I prayed about it and believed I had forgived them and then something would happen in my life and I'd know I hadn't really forgiven them at all.

Someone told me during that difficult time that if I was constantly "back in the boat" the Jesus was trying to teach me something. That I needed to really release it to Him to be freed from it. When Jesus was trying to teach the disciples a lesson, they were frequently out fishing - they were "back in the boat". I felt like I was always "back in the boat" regarding forgiveness.

Finally after much time in prayer and many tears shed, I have truly forgiven those people who hurt me. It didn't come easily but I am finally free. I love what someone said to me recently about harboring unforgiveness - "It's like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die." That's truly how I felt for nearly 2 years.

Forgiving myself for my role in this situation? I never have. I've been living under the guise of guilt for years now. It's a sensitive topic, I live with guilt everyday. I'm not sure how to break free from it.

I've confessed my sin to God. I've begged for forgiveness. I know His grace has been extended in my life and I'm forgiven. But I can't forgive myself. I don't accept His forgiveness.

Now, isn't that self-righteous? I can't accept His forgiveness?

I've spent a lot of time pouring out this situation to Him - each time walking away with the same burdens. I want this study to the end of this guilt for me. I've been imprisoned for some long by not accepting forgiveness in my life. God is dealing with me regarding this. I'm not sure HOW to forgive myself but I'm listening. Lord, speak to me....

I just want to add this before closing this post - this study has been amazing. I've never done anything like this and it's been so revealing. It's also been a painful study - my toes hurt from being stepped on so much - but I'm so excited to see what God has in store for me over the next several weeks. I'm continually amazed at how God is meeting me right where I am through LBY.

Sherry

Tara

Easter week

2006-04-12T22:27:00.000-07:00

I've been caught up in Easter prep work - my mother and grandma as well as DH's parents are coming in for the weekend (should be interesting) and my twin son's birthday is also this weekend. I spent today shampooing carpets, running to the store (one more trip before the weekend), getting my eyebrows waxed and haircut in preparation for the big weekend.

Last weekend DH and I went to a marriage seminar. I went into the weekend with the feeling that, "We'll go to this, but we don't really have any problems so it should be a breeze".

Boy, was I ever wrong.

The thing is DH and I rarely fight. I viewed that as a positive thing. But the thing I missed was that if we rarely have conflict, then one of us is always giving in. That's not a good thing in a marriage.

Friday night was great. We talked, we laughed and it was such a GOOD thing.

Saturday that all changed. We started arguing. The way things were presented was that we attended a workshop and then were given 15-20 minutes to discuss the workshop privately. We spent the greater portion of that private discussion time arguing.

I am married to the most wonderful man. He's hardworking, loving and giving. I'm not sure how things started down this path.

I'm not proud to admit that. Somehow this has snuck up on us.

He's been feeling disrespected and unloved. So have I. I think it's a case of "what came first? The chicken or the egg....." - I don't know how it started!

His top need was respect. His top love language was "Acts of service" (if I knew how to add a link - I'd link you to "The five love languages" by Gary Chapman). Acts of Service was #5 on my list. "What? You changed the oil in the van? Good for you - it needed done." That does nothing towards speaking love to me.

This week it's been obvious that we've both been going out of our way to work on meeting each other's needs. It's uncomfortable, honestly. We've been living such parallel lives, rarely interacting but getting things done - that interacting feels almost forced. But it will get better. We're both determined and praying for our marriage and this seminar exposed issues we never even knew were there.

I'll probably post more on this later....

HELP!

2006-04-01T07:27:00.000-08:00

Save for the fact that I have developed a pretty effecient "hunt and peck" technique - I'm basically computer illiterate.

What is wrong with the coding below? Help!

(tee hee)

Edit:

Hooray! It seems to be working now. Thanks a million, Lauren!

AND - I seem to have retrieved my SS lesson (Go me!) and now all I have to do is tweak it a bit. PC keeps telling me I have a network problem (?!) but at least I can open my documents again.

We're talking about the effects of media in the raising of boys tomorrow. Subtle sexual innuendos that sneak into commercials, how men are portrayed as idiots in sitcoms, etc. I'm really excited about this lesson! I hope my class remembers to change their clocks and everyone is on time. There is a lot to cover. (remember - spring AHEAD tonight.)

LBY Intro post delayed.....

2006-04-01T07:13:00.000-08:00

This should be my intro post to an awesome Bible study I started Monday with 28 other bloggers. I think Satan had it in for me this week since this is something I really need at this point in my life.

It's coming, I promise. Right now my proiority is trying to retrieve my Sunday School lesson off this computer beast who seems to have lost it!

In the meantime, read what this great bunch of bloggers are saying about Beth Moore's "Living Beyond Yourself" Bible study:
********************************************
Edit:

Late? That always seems to be ME!

As promised, my take on the first week of LBY.

I think when you're doing a Bible study, you tend to pull the pieces that fit with where you are RIGHT NOW in your life. At least I do.

I have a friend who lost her nearly 4 year old son in a choking accident last August. He stuffed his mouth full of pancakes and jumped down to hurry off and watch a video and choked. He died about 2 days later.

She's been grief stricken. I've really kept my distance from her because being around her is painful for me. Right now, she seems to be "stuck". She's assoctiating with other grieving parents who are "stuck". I want so much for her to find the peace that only He can bring but she doesn't seem to be searching for it.

A verse this week stood out for me - Acts 14:22 - ".....we must endure many hardships to enter the kingdom of God......"

When does the bad stuff stop happening? Well, I guess it doesn't. God uses pain in our lives to show us the substance of our faith. He uses sorrow and pain to strengthen us.

Hardly seems fair, but it's right there in the Bible. We were never promise a "fair" life. We were promised He'd carry us through the hard times. Rain falls on the just and the unjust equally - no one is immune.

My heart hurts for my friend right now. Grieving is such hard work. I've been praying for her strength to increase and that her heart will be comforted.

Another verse from this week's Bible study: Jeremiah 29:11-13 - you know the first verse, The last one got me - you must seek with all your heart to find Him. It's hard to put your whole heart into something. Especially when it's in pieces.

Grieving is very much done alone. Not even my wonderful husband can help me through some of the roughest points.

From the Bible study - "In the midst of some of your deepest difficulties, have you ever looked around and thought, "Where is everybody?"

Sometimes God reserves the right to withhold others and to pull you aside with Him so you can experience what David did in I Samuel 30:6, "David found strength in his God."...."

Even Jesus prayed alone when He was struggling facing His death. He took two disciples with Him, but He prayed alone - he sought the face of God and the peace only He could bring.

For me, I realized that only the Father can bring my friend the peace she doesn't even know to seek. I want to scoop her out of the grief she's in and help her see all that God may have waiting for her on the other side. But I can't. And I shouldn't.

She needs to do this herself. She needs to make the first step towards Him and he'll run to her and scoop her up.

I've stepped outside of myself. I've relived my own grief to try and help her. My role now is to pray and pray and pray for her.

I know this is different from what the others got from this first week. But God meets you where you are and gives everyone what they need right then. This is what I needed this week.

I have to admit, this Bible study is more involved that I anticipated and I fell behind. I'm making it a priority not to let this happen thsi week. It's an absolutley AWESOME study and I'm so excited to get more into it. I can't wait to see what else is in store for me.

Sherry

Tara

2006-03-29T05:36:00.000-08:00

I'm not good at this blogging thing. My husband says I shouldn't try to be funny and, without humor, who wants to read about the day to day happenings in MY life? I like reading blogs because it helps me feel connected to other moms who are living lives parallel to my own. They *get* why needing to take two kids to the dentist at 8am and two different kids to the doctor at 10am is a pain. They get why I feel overwhelmed sometimes when all I do is "stay at home" (yeah, right!)

Today the kids have a dentist appointment and the boys have a doctor's appointment. I think they still have a stubborn ear infection hanging on. M was crying in his sleep last night - poor thing. He cries like his little heart is breaking.

I'll be heading to a friend's house to help her out today while DH is home with the boys. My friend had a kidney transplant in January, a second surgery resulted in a stroke. She is doing so much better than she was a month ago. She tires easily and there are some household chores she just can't tackle yet. I don't mind helping her - she's so sweet and has done so much for me.

I've been lucky to be a part of a fabulous mom's group at my church for the past 4 years. Those ladies and I have grown so much during that time. They have been so sweet to us during this "bump" in the road regarding DH's job. One has brought us dinner twice and another brought the most awesome manicotti over yesterday. It was a comlpete surprise and very much appreciated. They're great friends and I'm so blessed to have them in my life.

2006-03-24T06:01:00.000-08:00

:::yawn:::

So today I was up at 7am. Yeah, yeah, I'm shooting for 6:30am - this *is* a step in the right direction.

Once I'm up, I'm fine. I want to get up earlier. I know my day would run so much smoother if I could just DO IT.

Well, off to throw sheets in the washer - we have family coming for the weekend and I'm certain they would rather not sleep in kid filth all weekend. Nothing says "I love you like clean sheets". I might even get my own sheets washed today.

2006-03-23T14:34:00.000-08:00

Thirteen Things I need to do to GET UP EARLIER

1. Go to bed earlier - no brainer, huh?

2. Set an alarm - seems, obvious....

3. STOP shutting the alarm off sometime during the night - *sigh*

4. Put my alarm clock across the room

5. see #3

6. Drink less water before bed- fewer trips to the potty during the night

7. Give up the notion that only "old" people go to bed before midnight - afterall, I did celebrate my big "3-0" this year

8. Get my 6am personal trainer back! - oh, yeah - I don't like looking at her early in the morning (just kidding - she was great)

9. Pray - "Dear Lord, please wake me up at 6am...."

10. Have 4 kids - Nope, didn't work. I have a wonderful husband who IS a morning person. He'll gladly get up in the morning. (No - he's not for rent/sale.)

11. Schedule all your appointments in the morning (Drs get mad when you always cancel 8am appointments)

12. Break down and sign up for a wake up call - Yep, like the hotels have. My phone rings at 6:30am every morning. Read more about it here http://www.iping.com Too soon to know if it works.....

13. Seriously, how do you train yourself to get up early? I am SO not a morning person

God works

2006-03-21T13:03:00.000-08:00

Trust. I have a really hard time trusting anyone. I know God loves me but I still get sidetracked by what my human eyes see and wonder if He really cares about me and whatever little problems I have.

I mentioned my DH's pay cut. God has carried us in so many ways before - I should KNOW He cares and things work out. Still, I worry.

A few things that have taken place since my DH's pay cut...I was lamenting with a friend (who has moved from my local area) about DH's job, his future with this company and the impact his pay cut is having on our family. The short story is that she sold her house here in town and with part of the profit from that she sent me a WalMart gift card. She shared my story with another friend who had moved away more than a year ago (and I had lost contact with) and that friend also sent a WalMart gift card as well. Those two gift cards and $75 of our money stocked my freezer with meat for a family of six that will last approximately 5-6 months!!

We literally went from doing ok to welfare over night. Having been living paycheck to paycheck before, the pay cut has an enormous impact on us. I came home from Hearts at Home (http://www.hearts-at-home.org) - which was paid for LONG before we knew of any pay changes - to find a check from Friend A. The first words in her note? "Don't freak out....." LOL!

Then this afternoon - I was sitting here taking a break from cleaning house before I run upstairs and take a shower. Another friend's car pulls up in front. She was dropping a card in my mailbox when I answered the door. She only had a second so she handed me the card and off she went. I was glad since it's 3:10pm here and I'm still bra-less and unshowered! Inside the card was a gift certificate for Aldi in it and the nicest note I have ever received.

God works. God works when we're not looking, when we think we've been forgotten and when we're about to give up. God works when we're willing to listen and obey.

I am so blessed to have great friends. It's like God is using my friends to say, "Trust me. I have you in the palm of my hand." I cannot even begin to say how happy I am to be a part of this. God is working in the lives of my friends and I'm excited to see what the future holds.

Off to the shower - finally!

Top Ten signs of Spring in Iowa

2006-03-21T10:56:00.000-08:00

As taken from our local newspaper today:

Top 10 signs of spring

10) Boogers — See those sorry souls with watery eyes wiping their noses with sodden tissues? They have allergies, and spring marks the return of their misery. According to Radio Iowa, the warm winter means the allergy season started even earlier than usual this year.

9) Asian invasion — Remember when you'd never heard of the Japanese ladybugs. Introduced by the U.S. Department of Agriculture in the 1970s and '80s to control insects, they winter in homes and reappear by the bazillions as the weather warms. One gardening Web site suggests baiting them with a slice of apple and storing them live in a sealed cup in the refrigerator. They'll sleep for weeks and can be introduced into your garden in the summer for pest control.

8) Fake bakes — Spring means prom, and prom means girls with man–made tans and pasty–faced dates.

7) Prom dresses — As their tans get richer, the girls' parents get poorer, dropping big bills on gowns that are overpriced and understitched.

6) Walleye — Sure, there are diehards out there who think 10 below is just right for fishing. But average anglers like water in the rivers and ice in their coolers. For them, spring starts when the mercury soars, their Mercury motors roar and the walleye spawn.

5) Kites — Yeah, it's a cliche. But what is more spring–y than a kite wobbling against a clean blue sky?

4) Tractors — Take a drive in the countryside this week and you'll see green John Deeres shaking off the dust of their hibernation and readying for a long summer under the hot sun. Better yet, close your eyes and listen for their thumpy rumble carried on the breeze.

3) Supermarket greenhouses —They pop up overnight, use up parking spaces, and get green thumbs itching to dig in the dirt.

2) Chatter — Common back when playing on a team was more important than acting cool, it has fallen out of favor of late. But on certain windless nights, it's still possible to hear Little Leaguers pounding their mitts, chirping like crickets and sending every pitch toward home with a mighty "Swing, batter."

1) Snow — Enough said.

Do they even make these??

2006-03-21T10:41:00.000-08:00

I've spent the last 30 minutes scouring the interent for ladybug rub-ons. You know, those things you lie face down on something and rub the back with a popsicle stick. I need those!

I'm getting a bit discouraged in my hunt. I did find some but they were the ugly kind - ladybugs with LEGS and stuf. Yuck! I want CUTE ladybugs. :)

So if anyone out there knows where I can find some, I'd be forever thankful.

The kids are home from school today. We spent the morning lounging for the most part however we did manage to get the kitchen CLEAN. I'm so happy when I look in there now. We even cleaned out two cabinets that really needed it. I believe the bigger two will be going outside after lunch and the smaller two will be taking a nap. I'll probably continue with my premature spring cleaning. The calendar says it's spring, but we have several inches of snow on the ground today. I think it's our first of the season (could that be right?!) so it's nice to see.

Moving on before I type another version of "Ladybug rub-on" into yet another search engine. :O)

Let God write your story

2006-03-20T13:21:00.000-08:00

I’m back from my second Hearts at Home conference. If you ever get the chance to go to one – GO! You will not regret it. (http://www.hearts-at-home.org)

For the fall 2005 conference in Rochester, MN, five of us made the 5 hour trip and came back feeling refreshed and renewed. For this conference, there were 12 of us – 4 friends from MUMS, 4 friends from church and 3 ladies I only met once in passing. We’re hoping to grow the group coming from this area each conference. It's an amazing opportunity to grow as a mother, a Christian and a friend.

Someone said something that summed up the weekend….”This is really all about GOD. I expected it to be about being a mom, but it is really all about GOD.” Another said that she had never viewed motherhood as a ministry before the conference.

And it is! It should be out primary ministry. Often, it is not. It's so easy to get bogged down with the day to day that we forget that our primary ministry should be in our homes. Mothers have an amazing opportunity to impact the next generation for God! That is no small assignment!

Over the past three years God has been leading me in conquering fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of no control, fear of failure. As I was thinking about fear and it's impact on my life and my mothering, I realized that it’s not fear I’m dealing with as much as it is lack of trust. If you truly trust God with all that you are fear has no position in your heart.

Fear is crippling. I get panicky, overwhelmed and withdrawn. This leads to depression, anxiety, and worry. I stop living the life I should/could be living.

When you trust God fear is driven away. When you realize that God really *is* in control, fear vanishes.

One keynote speaker this weekend, Lysa Terkeurst from Proverbs 31 ministries, gave her testimony and said one thing that really hit home for me. It’s simple: “Let God write your story.”

It’s simple, yet profound for me. In January, DH took a 30% pay cut. It amounts to $15,000 for us (you do the math – we were on a budget before). I’ve had a really hard time dealing with this. He did nothing to deserve it, it was a corporate decision. It affected others as well. It was a blow to his masculinity and a source or fear for our family. On paper, our home doesn’t function on this lower income.

I’ve been struggling with trusting God through this. We’re a family of 6 and it’s scary.

“Let God write your story.”

That’s what I’m going to do. Release all the fear to Him. We’ve weathered more difficult times in the past and He has never failed us.

Three years ago, we were at the bottom. I sat in a hospital frrom and prayed desperately for the Lord to do things the way *I* wanted Him to. “Lord, please spare the life of this child. Let her live. Please Lord, perform a miracle here and we’ll tell it as long as you give us breath.”

He didn’t. My youngest daughter was taken from us. 36 hours before she had been healthy and perfect. It never occurred to me that I may never see her become an adult.

He did things HIS way. It was hard to accept. Disbelief. That's the only word to describe how I felt leaving that hospital without my daughter.

I sit here now and I cannot imagine the things He may have saved my family from. Had my daughter lived she may have lived her days in a wheelchair, she may not have ever known the carefree laughter of childhood; she may have drawn her sustenance from a feeding tube or maybe never even opened her eyes again.

God’s perfect will for our family was not that my daughter live. God’s will was that we reach a desperation in our search for him that could only be achieved through her death. From the rocking chair in the hospital room where I begged for my daughter’s life I could not see the blessings He had for me. Today, I know that He used her death to reach me and give me a better life and a richer relationship with Him.

“Let God write your story”.

I’m glad He wrote mine. It’s not the one I would have picked had He given me a choice but it is the one he had planned for me all along. I will see my daughter in heaven someday and have the opportunity to thank her for fulfilling the purpose God gave her. Her life changed me. Her death gave me the courage to be transparent. It gave me the courage to live my life for Him. Her death exposed my human shortcomings. It threw the door open to reveal things I had hoped would always remain hidden. Her death gave me courage to change.

So as I sit here after Hearts at Home weekend, I am reminded that I can trust him to write my story. Financial concerns, damaged relationships, and FEAR will always be a part of life here on earth. If we trust Him to write our story, fear will be driven out. He can use heartbreaking circumstances to work a miracle in our lives that we never imagined was possible.

There is so much more to write about this weekend but I'll have to save that for another time.

:::tap:::tap:::tap::: Is this thing on?

2006-03-16T13:15:00.000-08:00

Reluctantly, I've been inspired to start a blog.

The truth is I love reading blogs. There is something comforting in knowing that someone, somewhere is having the same sort of day you are! Good or Bad, it's always exciting!

This is Hearts at Home weekend for me so I only have a moment. Check back later and I'll have something interesting to blog about. Twelve women in 3 hotel rooms for the weekend? Oh, yeah - there will be something interesting to talk about.